Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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