I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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