Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Green mimosas i think yes
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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