so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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