My liver just broke up with me...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
