I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
