you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
