eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
