He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let's get the cat blown out
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
