his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
