As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
