Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
