he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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