I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
