Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
