He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
