Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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