I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
