There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
