so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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