turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
