Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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