she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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