I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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