so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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