yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She tied me up with her honor cords...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
there is glitter all over my balls
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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