somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
