She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
