I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
