He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
