We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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