it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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