i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
