can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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