i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
