You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
