I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
