honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
