the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Acid is not a monday night drug
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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