I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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