Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
