I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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