i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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