Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
