Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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