I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
