After last night, I could never be a politician.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
