Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
