Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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