For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
