That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
