Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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