My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
