Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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