In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
