i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
