So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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